
Humour is a great deflater of overweening egos, a quick repost can explode the bubble of pomposity. Spike Milligan said that the essence of humor was taking things to its illogical conclusion. Good cartoon work on this principle. The one above is one of my own. If the conclusion is illogical just reverse the process. Religions are great targets for the second course of action, Islam especially so, riddled with contradiction it is an easy target, Asking logical questions about the Islamic version of heaven, is a very fruitful field. I found these questions on the web many months ago. Try and make up you own question it can be fun. Here is mine, enjoy.
Question:- when I get my virgins do I have to blow them up myself or do I get a foot pump.
1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?

21 comments:
YM: I thought that cartoons were supposed to be humorous , this one is factual !!
Awesome. Great jokes- especially the Lorena Bobbitt one.
*KM is dyin' laughing*
I love you almost as much as I love TheoSparks!
Brilliant, I am going to steal that and post it, will give you a hat tip.
#68;, "Do they come with a warranty".
For that matter; Do you (the Murderer) get to come?
This joke is only humourous to ignorant, uneducated bigots.
#72! HA! (shudders)
When do the English get around to apologizing for all the acts of genocide committed by your bloody Christians as the colonized the world for the sake of the European gods of Greed & Gluttony & Land & Resources?
Too bad the Native Americans were too weak to push the English back into the Atlantic and force them to return to Europe. If they had done so, they would not have suffered genocide-scale losses of 90% of their population along with the extermination of their languages and cultures.
The English are a great deal more violent than the Jihadist. Look at their bloody, bloody hands! Look at all the people that they murdered for Christ's sake!
Dear anonomus,
apologise: as far as I am concerned never, my forefathers, debt, like there crimes died with them. As an Englishman I am certainly not going to accept the blame for what the Americans did to the north American Indian. You state that :-
The English are a great deal more violent than the Jihadist. Look at their bloody, bloody hands! Look at all the people that they murdered for Christ's sake.
Sorry but you have to look at the facts we certainly did kill a lot of people. I will admit that there are a few blemishes on our copy book Amritsar in I think 1919 comes to mind where General Deyer killed several hundred innocent protesting Indians. But and I will state this quiet clearly and write it in Block capitals. MORE PEOPLE WERE KILLED DURING THE PARTITION OF INDIAN AFTER WE GAVE INDIA ITS INDEPENDENCE THAN WE KILLED IN ALL THE TIME WE RULED THAT COUNTRY. This fact of cause has eluded you because of your hate of me and my countrymen. We by the way did not murder anybody for Christ's sake and we certainly didn't murder anybody for Allah's sake which can not be said for the Jihadist' s, who by the way are estimated to have murdered between 60 and 80 million Hindus in India over the centuries. Take a break and read the facts.
I am well aware of the many crimes, atrocities and genocides committed by the English throughout their bloody history.
The Muslims would have to work really hard to match the genocides committed by the English. Please do keep in mind that the English murdered MILLIONS of people all across the globe.
Most of the present-day problems of the Middle East were also generated by the English during their colonial control over the Middle East.
Incidentally, the Muslims did not voluntarily (nor *democratically* for that matter) surrender control over the land, resources and nations to the English. You people murdered thousands of Muslims in order to gain control over that region ...
And you continue to kill Muslim civilians today. Remarkable how the most evil, vile, genocidal mass-muderers of this world cloak their violence under the veil of "Christianity is Peace", "The English Give You Civilization", and (today) "Freedom & Democracy".
I am pleased to see that the Muslims are whipping the English in Barsa. The English deserve to lose this aggressive war against the Muslims in order to seize their resources.
I know that the English would happily commit genocide against the Muslims again if you people could get away with it. Isn't it sad when bloodthirsty colonialists lose their power to kill at will?
anonymous,
i'm a bit less polite than than "holger danske", seeing that you have not the guts to sign a name to your rants you're welcome to just bugger off. as "h.d." said i do not take any responsibility for the alleged crimes of the past. as for the present, i intend to do my little bit to preserve a civilization that has learned from its past, against yours which is still mired in its ancient barbarism, and if it comes to brass rags i am still a fair hand with a rifle.
"gunner"
Thank you Gunner,
why do I get the feeling that you are Ex R.A. It is nice to know that I have got you at my back, especially if you are firing that good old 25 pounder over my head. The R.A. never received there full dues, you were always at the bottom of the Honors lists when the medals were given out. Thank you Gunner it is nice to know my back is covered.
Deep regards
yorkshire Miner
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